FUNNY FACEBOOK STATUS

संता: जल्दी से यहां एक ऐम्बुलेंस भेज दीजिये, मेरे दोस्त को एक गाड़ी ने टक्कर मार दी है। उसकी नाक से खून बह रहा है। शायद उसकी टांग भी टूट गई है।
ऑपरेटर: आप किस जगह पर हैं, कृपया बता दीजिये।
संता: कनॉट प्लेस में।
ऑपरेटर: आप मुझे स्पेलिंग बता दीजिये?
जवाब में कोई आवाज नहीं आई।
ऑपरेटर: सर क्या आपको मेरी आवाज आ रही है?
दूसरी तरफ से अभी भी कोई आवाज नहीं आई।
ऑपरेटर: सर प्लीज, जवाब दीजिये, क्या आप मुझे सुन रहे हैं?
संता: हां-हां, माफ करना। मुझे कनॉट प्लेस की स्पेलिंग नहीं आती, इसलिए मैं उसे घसीट कर मिंटो रोड पर ले आया हूं। आप मिंटो रोड की स्पेलिंग लिखो।

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अगर आप कहीं जल्दी में जा रहे हों और काली बिल्ली आपके आगे से गुजर जाए तो इसका मतलब??
मतलब-वतलब छोड़ो, काली बिल्ली को आपसे ज्यादा जल्दी है।

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ममीः बच्चो! तुम अगर मेरी बात मानोगे, पलटकर जवाब नहीं दोगे और जिद नहीं करोगे, तो मैं तुम लोगों को गिफ्ट दूंगी।
पप्पूः रहने दो ममी, फिर तो सारे गिफ्ट हमेशा पापा को ही मिलेंगे।

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पप्पूः पापा मैं कल से स्कूल नहीं जाऊंगा।

संताः क्यों बेटा?
पप्पूः मैडम ने क्लास से बाहर निकाल दिया। उन्होंने कहा कि तुम लेट आए हो।
संताः (गुस्से से) चल तेरी मैडम को देख लेता हूं। जब तू खड़ा था तो उन्होंने कैसे कह दिया कि तू लेटा है?

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एक बुड्ढा आया, साथ में एक बुढ़िया लाया...
होटेल में जाकर वेटर को बुलाया, दोनों ने अपना-अपना ऑर्डर मंगवाया,
पहले बुड्ढे ने खाया, बुढ़िया ने बिल चुकाया,
फिर बुढ़िया ने खाया, बुड्ढे ने बिल चुकाया,
ये देखकर वेटर का सिर चकराया, वह उनके पास आया और बोला, 'जब तुम दोनों में इतना प्यार है तो खाना एक साथ क्यों नहीं खाया?'
इस पर बुड्ढ़े ने फरमाया, 'जानी तेरा सवाल तो नेक है पर हमारे पास दांतों का सेट सिर्फ एक है।'

   

Fb Best Tricks- Making Your Profile Photo Un-clickable

The Trick:

Not everyone really wants to have their header image clickable, but yet that’s the way Facebook header images work, or do they? Well, if you’re curious, you should give this one a try:

How to Do it:

1)       Go to your Albums – > Profile Pictures

2)       Select your current profile picture.

3)       Adjust privacy setting to “Only Me”

20 Funny Facebook Status Updates

Funny Facebook Status Updates:


1.    When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?

2.    I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won.

4.    I hate when people all of a sudden decide to be funny when I am drinking something.
5.    God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China.

6.    Sometimes you just need some space............To fart.

7.    I wake up when I cant hold my pee in any longer.

8.    Behind every great woman is a man looking at her ass!

9.    If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

10.                       I like to name my iPod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.

11.                       I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

12.                       If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
13.            Whenever i have a problem, I just sing, Then i realize my voice is worse than my problem.

14.                       They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

15.                       Women should not have children after 35. Really… 35 children are enough.
16.        I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he needs more proof.

17.     That awkward moment when you realize that “deleting History” is more important than “creating History” nowadays.
18.             Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.
19.                       If you can't Change a Girl.....Change the Girl.
20.                       Need Love...? .......No...I would prefer vodka..!!

56 Funny And Sweet Status For Facebook & Watsapp <)

  Had a really great "Night Out" last night, According to my police report.

  I will win, Not immediately But Definitely.'

  If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my ass!

  Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

  The road to success is always under construction.

  Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.

  Born to express not to impress.

  Silent people have the loudest minds.

  Sometimes it's easier to pretend you don't care, than to admit it's killing you.

  You cannot stop the waves but you can learn to surf.

  Life is like photography, You use the negatives to develop.

  Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

  War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

  When someone says, "You've Changed", It simply means you've stopped living your life their way.

  If you want to make your dreams come true, The first thing you have to do is wake up.

  I don't have dirty mind, I have Sexy imagination.

  Whenever i think of quit smoking, I need a cigarette to think.

  You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.

  You have to be ODD, to be number ONE.

  When life puts you in tough situations, don't say, why me? Just say, try me!

  I stopped fighting with my inner demons. We are on the same side Now.

  If people are trying to bring you 'Down', It only means that you are 'Above them'.

  Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.

  The greatest advantage of speaking the truth is that you don't have to remember what you said.

  Nothing in the world is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.

  Be a good person, But don't try to prove.

  Mistakes are proof that you are trying.

  Some people are alive only, Because it's illegal to kill them.

  I am not failed......My success is just postponed.

  If you like me Then raise your hand, If not then raise your standard.

  When i was born..Devil said.."Oh Shit..!! Competition".

  I work for money, For loyalty Hire a Dog.

  I am always right, Once i thought that I am wrong, But i was wrong.

  I know i am something, Because god doesn't create garbage.

  If you are gonna be two-faced, Honey at least make one of them pretty!

  When nothing goes right..!! Go left.

  If you can't convince them, Confuse them.

  I love to walk in fog, Because nobody knows i am smoking.

  I am not drunk, I am just chemically off-balanced.

  Oh, So you wanna argue, Bring it. I got my CAPS LOCK ON.

  I am so poor that i can't pay attention in class.

  Warning...I know KARATE.......And few other oriental words.

  I used to be an atheist, But then i realized i'm God.

  Never make eye contact while eating a banana.

  Success is like being pregnant everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you got fucked to get there.

  I am not virgin, My life fucks me everyday.

  Nothing is over until you stop trying.

  Person you love is 72.8% water.

  I talk to myself because i like dealing with a better class of people.

  People say, you can't live without love...I think oxygen is more important.

  80% of boys have girlfriends.. Rest 20% are having brain.

  When everything comes your way.. Then you are on the wrong way.

  she's so fake, if you look behind her neck. I bet it says "Made in china".

  I drink to make other people interesting.

  If at first, you don't succeed..Keep flushing.

  Save water drink beer.